Poetry: Forgiving old wounds

It's hard forgiving people who hurt you, people who mistreated you, people who let you down when you needed them the most. But years of carrying forgiveness isn't good for your health or the condition of your mind and soul. The question is, can you forgive, or are you prepared to resent that person for the rest of your life?

It's hard moving forward.

Moving forward means going day to day wearing old wounds no one can see because you can't see hurt. Hurt does flash across your forehead, your hair color doesn't change, you don't shrink, you can't disappear. You wake up, pretend it never happened to you, and go on like everything is okay...when it's not.

And it's okay if it's not okay. Things don't always have to be okay. It's okay to have down days. It's okay to cry if someone mistreated your love, it's okay to get away to think and it's okay to take time off for your mental health.

But, carrying weight, hurt, neglect, rejection, disappointment, anger for years doesn't do your soul any good. Those feelings add up, especially if they're never released. This is why people have blow ups. I watched a video the other day about a man working in a small office. The office cameras caught him exploding on a manager he'd been working for years. We might laugh and take his behavior as inapprociate, but rarely anyone takes a step back to understand why this employee took matters into his own hands and get verbally violent, not that I condone that behavior, I don't, but why did it happen?

Years of pent up frustration, low pay wage, the manager might have disrectable the employee for far too long, possibly something personal was going on in the employees life and he finally reached his breaking point.

“Forgiveness doesn't happen over night, forgiving is a process, and that's okay. Take your time.

What I'm getting across is that you don't jump from A to Z for nothing, a lot of variables in the middle have occurred to get someone to a point where their heart has hardened and they'll completely given up on themselves. It's called unresolved trauma. Most human beings live with it.

A trusted teacher said something about you and you live with your second grade teachers opinion. Your dad was never in the picture and you believe every man in your life will leave you just like he did, your mom said you were dumb and that's the reason why you won't go farther in your education.

Pain comes in different forms, and with pain a nasty result of it brings unforgiveness.

Till this day my father will not build a relationship with my grandmother because she did a poor job raising him.

I had a friend and her first boyfriend cheated on her, twice, she took him back the first time, and every man she dates now she refuses to trust fully.

I spoke to woman about the relationship with her son and how he's cut from her life because he stole her car when he was a teenager. She's now in her sixties and her son is forty, married, three children, and lives 20 minutes from her.

Victims are allowed to feel anger and hurt, but one persons hurt does not only affect the vicitim, but whoever else is in the vicitims life.

It's like when one person in the office has a sour mood, well that sour mood is contagious and guess what, everyone somehow develops a sour mood and they don't even know the reason why. Unforgiveness will get in your way, it will affect your future relationships because it is like an open cut you will not bandage or do anything about to fix. So, you end up bleeding on everyone, including the people closes to you.

I would take the time to see what you're hanging onto. Was it a bad relationship, marriage? Did a friend disregard your love? Did a sibling not step up to the plate like you did and this angers you? Did a manager spew a rude remark you did not deserve? Whatever the case is, exaimine these instances and scan you mental health, your temperament... do you easily get frustrated or angery? Do you treat all men or women a certain way? Do you shy from connecting to new faces to advoid potential hurt? These are signs you're holding onto something in your life.

When you're ready, maybe counseling might help? I did counseling for a year to work through my anger. Is there someone in your life that's a great listener you can talk to, a hobby you can do to alleviate some of the pressure. The key here is to address your problems. Everything doesn't get fixed over night, forgiving those who hurt you is a process that might take years, but the first step is awareness.

POETRY

how much can a man bear before

He grows tired?

Years of exposure left him

winded and warn

to where he no longer

asks the wind

to cool his hot cheeks

if left untreated

additional medical

treatment

will be needed

to soothe your

bleeding heart.

I pray she seeks

help sooner.

it was late march, and she had gone to see him. he had asked her to come, and she prolonged his invitation out longer than she should have. but what was she to do with her demons accompanying her sides. they've known her since she was a child, and she quite liked to love and hate her relationship with them. the best part, they protected her from men much larger than she so she roamed the streets daring considerate lovers to hold her hand, the same hand, I might add, her father never cared to hold. she waited on her fathers porch for far too long, rubbing her shoes together like she did when he last seen her. as she reached to push the doorbell, a solemn voice planted a reminder in her ear and she turned to her home where the rest of the monsters from her past lived. beasts were happy to see she returned bitter and ripe.